If you are like me, every now and then you scratch your head and say, “what the heck is going on?” For example, someone does or says something and we scratch our heads in wonderment. And then say, how could he be so obtuse?” When we have more questions than answers, we probably need to refocus our questions? They need to point inward toward us. Yes! That’s right – us! The world is as the world should be and we are simply individual observers. But it doesn’t end there.
An “observer” in the classical dictionary definition is “somebody who observes something that is happening”. Implicit in this definition is the belief that truth exists objectively. In other words, we think that we are “seeing things the way they are”. What’s missing in this definition is that as observers, we see what we believe.
From here it’s a short step to claiming that we know the truth because we saw, heard, tasted, felt and/or said it. In ordinary language it sounds like this: “That restaurant has terrible food”, “That singer is really bad”, “That car is really beautiful”.
What this means is that when we speak, we think we are observing something in another person or object that is an objective truth. It’s not. It is our assessment. The qualities that we project onto others are a function of our own beliefs and not necessarily an attribute of the observed. Once again, in plain speak, our opinions of others have very little to do with them. They’re a function of our own personal values.
The idea for this column came to me when a friend gave me a CD of a popular singer and said, “Take it. I don’t want it. This guy has a terrible voice.”
Interestingly, I had just discovered this singer and enjoyed his voice and style. His phrasing reminded me of Frank Sinatra, the master of phrasing. So who was correct? Was he a terrible singer? Probably not. He recently toured 42 major cities around the world. My friend would have been correct had he said, “I don’t like this guy’s voice.” Rather than “this guy has a terrible voice”.
So how often do you find yourself saying “your truth” as though it’s really something true about another person? Here’s a clue: When someone starts a statement with the claim “I tell it like it is”. They are usually the ones that are fully committed to their belief that they clearly see the objective truth, when what they see is their own projection onto something or someone.
I just wonder what the world would be like if we all understood that we have right to our opinion, but it’s just an opinion. It may be our own truth but not necessarily an attribute of others. We could probably avoid most arguments and enhance cooperation among people. Maybe even end a couple of wars. So I suggest that when we get confused by something happening in the world, we ask ourselves first, “Is what I’m about to say really reflect what’s happening or am I just in the dark about the facts?
But I’m not going to hold my breath, even though I have some ex-readers who would prefer that I did. No! Instead I’m going to keep writing this column and reminding you from time to time that this is just “my spin”.
Remember we all have our spin and that’s what makes life so interesting. We must be able to admit it, listen to the other’s spin and finally, ask more questions of others and ourselves. How do we do this? First, don’t interrupt others, even if you disagree, you might learn something. Second, listen deeply to what the other person is saying, you might learn something else. And finally, this is just my opinion. You decide if it’s best for you.
Robert DeFilippis
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