Paul Anka wrote it. Don Costa arranged it. Frank Sinatra sang it. And too many people believe it. To some people, it should be the national anthem. You know the folks I’m talking about. The “It’s all about me” crowd.
I tried to do it my way when I was younger. I found it that it made my life more difficult. Because there was something called “society” that demanded that I do it their way. First it was my parents and family. Then it was institutions, like schools, church and community that had a pretty good idea of how I should do it. Then it was my employers who wanted me to do it their way. And they paid the bills.
I found out quickly that to be a member in good standing of any group I had to do it their way. From time to time I would rebel and try to do it my way. Occasionally I got away with it. But it always brought discomfort with it. I don’t recall exactly when I discovered that life just works better when you follow the rules – not yours – but life’s.
Yes, life has rules, that when followed pay off in rich dividends. What I’m saying is that the bravado in Anka’s song is a red herring. It’s a distraction that some still live by. You can pick them out of the crowd. They are the braggadocios that want desperately to have all of the attention. They are the people who think the rules don’t apply to them. They are the people in a hurry who are convinced that their time is more valuable than yours. They are the people who believe social status gives them power over others.
I’ve complained in this column about the coarsening of America. I’ve seen public places turn into arenas of crudeness, where good manners are a thing of the past. If we examine the underpinnings of this phenomena, I’m convinced we will find the present tense of this song. “I’m doing it my way”.
Unfortunately for us, these very people have a completely wrongheaded notion of their importance in the overall scheme of things. I don’t think that they thought this up on their own. There is something in our society that has allowed the “do it my way” crowd to grow. And it’s getting worse.
In their book, “The Narcissism Epidemic,” Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell cite data to suggest that at least since the 1970s, we have suffered from national self-esteem inflation. They cite this sociological data: In 1950, thousands of teenagers were asked if they considered themselves an “important person.” Twelve percent said yes. In the late 1980s, another few thousand were asked. This time, 80 percent of girls and 77 percent of boys said yes.
At first glance this would look like a good thing. But the dictionary defines important as “being entitled to more than ordinary consideration or notice”. In my mind that only comes from doing something to earn it. And I just can figure out what 77-80% of our teenagers have to done to earn the designation, “important”. Of course teenagers grow up to become adults. If they don’t change their attitudes – well – we have a new crop of self-important people who become “legends in their own minds”.
Sinatra did it his way and succeeded materially. I don’t know what his internal life was like. But I do know that the overwhelming majority of us are not “Sinatra’s”. We would do best to ignore his self-absorption and get a better grasp of just how important we are. We are important to ourselves, our friends, families and loved ones. We are just not more important than anyone else. I’ll make book that no one will ever write a song about that fact. And that’s a shame.
I tried to do it my way when I was younger. I found it that it made my life more difficult. Because there was something called “society” that demanded that I do it their way. First it was my parents and family. Then it was institutions, like schools, church and community that had a pretty good idea of how I should do it. Then it was my employers who wanted me to do it their way. And they paid the bills.
I found out quickly that to be a member in good standing of any group I had to do it their way. From time to time I would rebel and try to do it my way. Occasionally I got away with it. But it always brought discomfort with it. I don’t recall exactly when I discovered that life just works better when you follow the rules – not yours – but life’s.
Yes, life has rules, that when followed pay off in rich dividends. What I’m saying is that the bravado in Anka’s song is a red herring. It’s a distraction that some still live by. You can pick them out of the crowd. They are the braggadocios that want desperately to have all of the attention. They are the people who think the rules don’t apply to them. They are the people in a hurry who are convinced that their time is more valuable than yours. They are the people who believe social status gives them power over others.
I’ve complained in this column about the coarsening of America. I’ve seen public places turn into arenas of crudeness, where good manners are a thing of the past. If we examine the underpinnings of this phenomena, I’m convinced we will find the present tense of this song. “I’m doing it my way”.
Unfortunately for us, these very people have a completely wrongheaded notion of their importance in the overall scheme of things. I don’t think that they thought this up on their own. There is something in our society that has allowed the “do it my way” crowd to grow. And it’s getting worse.
In their book, “The Narcissism Epidemic,” Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell cite data to suggest that at least since the 1970s, we have suffered from national self-esteem inflation. They cite this sociological data: In 1950, thousands of teenagers were asked if they considered themselves an “important person.” Twelve percent said yes. In the late 1980s, another few thousand were asked. This time, 80 percent of girls and 77 percent of boys said yes.
At first glance this would look like a good thing. But the dictionary defines important as “being entitled to more than ordinary consideration or notice”. In my mind that only comes from doing something to earn it. And I just can figure out what 77-80% of our teenagers have to done to earn the designation, “important”. Of course teenagers grow up to become adults. If they don’t change their attitudes – well – we have a new crop of self-important people who become “legends in their own minds”.
Sinatra did it his way and succeeded materially. I don’t know what his internal life was like. But I do know that the overwhelming majority of us are not “Sinatra’s”. We would do best to ignore his self-absorption and get a better grasp of just how important we are. We are important to ourselves, our friends, families and loved ones. We are just not more important than anyone else. I’ll make book that no one will ever write a song about that fact. And that’s a shame.
Robert DeFilippis
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