Do you like being unhappy?

If so, the third truth is for you.  You think people who act happy are just a bunch of phony’s.  You ask yourself the question, “what’s there to be happy about anyway?”  You’re unhappy but your circumstances are familiar and you don’t want to take a chance by changing?  

There is risk in any change.  But the risk can be exciting and can pay off in rich dividends.  It can also backfire.  I guess the question is, “how unhappy are you?”  The truth about this truth is, that when the pain of your unhappiness becomes more intense than your fear of change, you’ll change.  Until then, if you are presently unhappy, you will remain unhappy.  There’s no way around  this.  And you will continue to find reasons to be unhappy.

Once, when I was considering a career change I went to see a counselor.  During a session, I said something like, I didn’t think I had the skills  necessary to make a change.  She responded, “No that’s not true.  You don’t have the courage.” Boy that stung.  And I paid good money for her counseling services.  I was initially upset.  But when I thought about it, I realized that she really was right.  I was afraid to step out into the unknown because the known was familiar.  I was unhappy but it was familiar.  I eventually made my change.  I have to say that although I’ve had moments of regret, I had more moments of happiness too.

My life has been richer and my experiences more fulfilling.  I’ve endured much more risk but the intangible rewards have been worth it.  And I can say that the pain of my unhappiness was sufficient for me to face the fear of the unknown or I wouldn’t have made that change.

So it’s up to you.  Are you unhappy enough to endure the loss of the familiar?  The familiar can be a warm and comfortable place.  But so can a wet diaper.  Eventually it chafes the skin.  When that happens enough, the baby is ready for a change.  The difference is that a baby depends on adults to take care of it.  You are an adult and no one has the responsibility to change you – and I don’t mean your diapers.

This truth is fairly simple.  Your unhappiness is familiar to you and consequently you feel at home with it.  You can justify it by finding something wrong with everything and everyone around you.  When you do, you are missing one very important fact; your judgments say more about you than they do about the people you judge.  So in reality, all you are doing is justifying your own unhappiness.  And for the most part, no one really cares about your judgments or your unhappiness.

Here’s some unsolicited advice; endure your unhappiness until you get sick of it.  When and if you do, change yourself.  No one is going to do it for you.  If you don’t get sick of it, there is no one to answer to, except you.  If you can stand it, my guess is that most everyone else can too.  Except those who get confused about their responsibility for their own unhappiness – they might blame theirs on you.  I hope it’s not your spouse.

I know.  It all sounds so confusing.  It’s really not.  You are responsible for one person’s happiness in this life and that’s you.  No one can make you happy or unhappy.  There will be times when you want to feel unhappy because it’s familiar to you.  You can remain there and you don’t have to stay there.  You have the power to change if you want to.  Sometimes you want to and sometimes you don’t.  It’s your call.

As Abraham Lincoln was reported to have said, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Robert DeFilippis