Super Heroes

Some weeks back, I blamed Tiger’s problems on Plato. This week I want to discuss our need for super heroes. Yes, we’re not happy with just regular heroes, like Tiger, we need a few super heroes. I think it all starts with the movies. You know what I’m talking about. The handsome leading man that crashes his helicopter and walks away to kill all the bad guys, then swims across the English channel in a Armani tux, saves the Queen of England, makes love to the starlet, fights three bad guys at a time and leaves the movie set to party all night long with Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears and Lindsay Lohan.

The worrisome thing is that we project that kind of prowess onto our political leaders. I have some bad news for you. Our political leaders are just imperfect humans like you and me. It’s our expectations that are superhuman, not them. Let’s take President Obama as an example. We want him to stop global climate change, clean up the Mideast’s difficulties, stop world terrorism, fix the economy, create jobs, resurrect the real estate market, create new energy sources, improve our healthcare system, correct all of the problems in education, end world starvation, and fly to the moon unaided. And we want it now. (Okay. I made up that last part about the moon.) But we do want it all now and if he can’t produce it right away, we’ll find another super hero who can in 2012.

More importantly, if he doesn’t do all these things the way we want them done, then he’s a bum. If you don’t believe that, listen to other political party. Everything he does is wrong because they want it done their way. I’m not picking on Republicans. The Democrats did it to Bush. It’s a human thing. Really, it’s more an American thing. We love our super heroes more than any other country except maybe North Korea. They have been brainwashed into thinking that their “Dearly Beloved Leader” actually is a super hero. Dictatorships only need one super hero.

Democracies seem to need more. We need them in athletics (think Tiger), business (think Gates), movies (think Stallone) and comic books (think Superman). I would hate to be a super hero in America because our expectations are so unrealistic. Not much to worry about there. I’d never make it. I’m old, overweight and bald. Everyone knows that super heroes are young, athletic and have a full head of hair.

Can you imagine a super hero who looks like me? He couldn’t leap tall buildings in a single bound. He would be lucky to climb a ladder to clean his gutters. He wouldn’t be as powerful as a locomotive. He’d be happy to carry his groceries home in one trip. He wouldn’t be faster than a speeding bullet. He might be able to shoot a speeding bullet. It just doesn’t work; the idea of an old man being a super hero.

That’s too bad because us old folks have made enough mistakes in our lives to have what most young super heroes don’t have; wisdom and patience. We know that everyone has an opinion and that the best way to find the right answers is to listen deeply. And we know that problems don’t get fixed overnight. The world is a complex place, even for super heroes.

But we have this problem. We just know that there is someone out there who’s just like the old-time cowboys. Remember them. The town’s sheriff is having a bad time of it. There’s a nest of outlaws in the local tavern. Our super hero rides into town. He single-handedly cleans the place up in one afternoon. He then rides off into the sunset on his trusty steed. No more outlaws. It’s a nice little town again. That myth dies hard. We just keep looking. Well, maybe 2012.